☆paging doctor gorgeous☆

Y'all I am being tested.

I woke up this morning and looked at my phone and the first thing I saw was a message from my movers telling me that they have canceled on me. The day before my move.

So I was up, awake, and online trying like hell to find a new moving team who could move me with one day's notice, for a price I can afford, and with decent ratings. Luckily, by the grace of a forgiving universe, I was able to do this. Now I just hope that these new guys I've hired actually show up tomorrow morning.

Then I ran out of packing tape and bubble wrap when I was almost done packing, and had to drive on over to Walmart to get more. When I started my car, it made a very strange sound, and I wanted to SCREAM because why, why NOW, WHY NOW? Panic mode. No time or ability to fix my car before I leave in a day and a half. Renting a car for two weeks and returning it thousands of miles away would cost me like two thousand dollars, so that's out!

Fortunately? When I started my car again at the store, it sounded fine, so? I don't know???

I want to scream into a pillow.

I am so tired.

The neighbors got a new dog and they are the kind of people who believe that animals belong outside, period. So this puppy was barking and barking and howling all night. At around 2am it finally stopped. Then it started again at around 6:30am. I tried so hard to get back to sleep, but I had to get out of bed at 9am anyway to make my dentist appointment, so I just curled up and closed my eyes and listened to a podcast. Rest is better than nothing, I guess.

So on four and a half hours of sleep I went to the dentist and got my teeth cleaned. It was so relaxing, it was better than being at home, which... yikes. But I mean hey. Air conditioning, a big comfortable chair, and that really nice soothing whooshing sound of the cleaning tool. I almost fell asleep getting my teeth cleaned.

The dentist also examined my crowned tooth and even took an X-ray that he didn't even charge me for, just so that he could make sure there was nothing wrong with it. No infection, anyway; he made a slight adjustment to it, thinking maybe the pain was from the shape being a little off and me putting too much pressure on it when I chew. So that's all good! Phew.

Tomorrow (today) I have off, so I'm going to head downtown to donate more stuff to GoodWill, stop by the used book shop to see if they're interested in buying any of my small stack of Read But Didn't Really Love So Don't Wanna Keep books and a few nerdy collectibles I haven't been able to sell. I need to buy more packing supplies too, so I can get started packing up this bedroom.

Things are still chaotic and stressful but... coming together. Slowly.

I woke up this morning and the first thing I saw was Blair going wild on discord because, yes, finally, we were approved for our apartment. We got it. The one we wanted, even.

Rather than grow immediately ecstatic, I deflated completely as a huge amount of stress dissolved from my body, and I started to cry.

You guys. These people made us jump through so many insane hoops. Every time they promised we had done everything they wanted and told us it would be just a day or two more, they would go silent for a week and when one of us would follow up, there were suddenly MORE forms they required. The one they sent to my future employer had to be sent again because she didn't put N/A in the spots that were not relevant to what was being asked of her. That added an additional eight days of wait time. Eight. Days.

I was so sure that by the time we finally got through, there wouldn't be any more units left. This was supposed to take a week. It took two months. But we got in. I am overjoyed.

Still stressed. There's a lot more to do still, with the actual move. And with transferring my license. And I'm experiencing bad tooth pain now so I've got to try and get into the dentist before I leave hopefully? But we got a place to live!

This post is rife with negativity!

Or rather, it's a venting post where I lightly complain about things that have been pissing me off! You don't need to read it, but who knows, you might agree with me on some of it.

1) People who think they have to come to a full and complete stop before making a right turn or turning into a parking lot.

2) People who try the door of a public restroom and, finding it locked, knock on the door. Yes, my brother in christ, there is someone in here. That is how it came to be locked, my guy.

3) When people tailgate me all the way down the road, getting increasingly annoyed at me for not stomping on the gas and gunning the engine. We are going to stop again at the next light. We can see that it is already turning yellow. Jesus Christ.

4) People using public bathrooms like they have literally never used an indoor facility before. Tell me how and why you can walk into a public restroom and there is just pee and shit all over the place, on the floor, on the stall walls, on the toilet seat. Hello??? Who is doing this? Have you ever used a toilet before???

Huh, now that I write it in a list this way, seems like the things pissing me off the most are all either driving or bathroom related, haha.

Happy Thursday.

I have so! Much! To do! And I move out of here officially in less than a month.

I still have to take a CPR class and buy insurance and get my car checked out and potential repairs done, and I have to pack and hire more movers and keep badgering the leasing office about our apartment application because yeah, after a month we still have no idea whether we are getting the apartment or not.

I'm starting to really feel the anxiety set in. I had a to-do list and a shopping list and I have somehow managed to misplace them both. Now I'm utterly convinced that I'm forgetting something crucial, and will feel this way even after I have finished writing new lists. I have to visit all my friends one last time too but when will I even have the time?

I must breathe. I will end this post with three positive things:

1) I just wound down for the night by watching K-Pop Demon Hunters and it was actually really good. I'm not sure what I expected but I was thoroughly entertained and the soundtrack was all bangers.

2) I have gotten my first ever party planning gig, kind of. Those who know me well know that I love to plan parties, particularly themed parties, which is super ironic since I don't... actually really like to go to parties. But something about brainstorming fun ideas, hunting for and pricing and organizing decor and food and games and all the fun, unique, guest-pleasing ideas is something I really enjoy doing and always said I wish I could do professionally. A friend of Blair's came to me and said "Hey, Blair told me how much you love planning parties and how good you are at it, I would be happy to pay you to plan a Lord of the Rings themed birthday party for my boyfriend!" (I know what you're thinking, but it will not influence the workload I'm currently panicking over because it isn't until November.)

3) So far I'm still free of weird hormonal fuckery after getting my IUD removed, and I'm really hoping it stays that way.

IUD removal went off without a hitch, despite my anxiety. I was torn between getting a replacement while I was there and just removing it and leaving it. I don't need birth control anymore seeing as my long-term committed relationship is now with another woman, but I was (and still am) concerned with "hormone crash" as my body struggles to return to baseline and balance itself.

I'm going through a really stressful time already with this cross-country move, so I was fretting over the possibility of mood swings, worsening anxiety and depression. I also don't want to gain a bunch of weight or, like, end up with a pizza for a face. I was up very late last night trying to read up on it and found a whole reddit thread of people who are really happy to have had theirs removed; some did experience that crash, but most swear that they started losing weight more easily, experienced better moods, less brain fog and fatigue, and ultimately were just better off.

So, I'm optimistic. I trust my partner to provide patience and understanding if things go south, but my fingers are crossed for a relatively smooth transition.

Man. Every time I write my to-do list and then cross some things off, I've got to re-write it with more items than were on it originally.

But! I have reserved a spot with a good moving company for my moving day. I've scheduled the appointment to get my IUD removed. I've got a second job offer, so now I get to choose between the two. I've got all my bills paid for the month, and I've canceled and put on hold several subscriptions (Netflix, Coursera). I visited Duke today! He's doing very, very well.

I have a lot to do but I feel productive all the same. I wish I had time for creative stuff. I barely have time to do any reading (mostly in the bath) or for watching things. I can't wait until this move is over, but at the same time I need time to slow down a little, because I still have so much I need to do.

Hope everyone's doing well.

Confession: I literally forgot, until today, that I have a Fandom Trumps Hate fic to write. Wooooow, Cass. It's a good thing we have until December to finish, innit? My life went into complete upheaval and I literally just forgot. That's a bad look. On the bright side, the person I'll be writing for is super cool and sweet and the request is definitely something I'm really interested in, so it won't be difficult at all to get into it once I can find some time and space to concentrate on something other than the cost and the logistics of my upcoming move. And hey, for all I know, my new apartment will provide me with the perfect comfortable space to really dig in and focus up.

Happy Pride! I always felt good having my birthday during Pride Month, and for the start of it coinciding with my birthday week. I'm going to do something to treat myself every day this week. Today, on Day 1, got a bag of goodies from 85 Bakery (which I am really, REALLY going to miss).

At the time of writing this it is now technically tomorrow, as it is 2:44AM. So, once I wake up, for Day 2 I'm going to go have a huge breakfast at this cool local hole in the wall called Cowboy Surfer Grill. The decor is equal parts surfer, cowboy, and Irish, for some reason.

In more unfortunate news, my friend Jess texted me to let me know that our mutual friend Sam was found collapsed in her bathroom by her husband and taken to the hospital, where she proceeded to have multiple seizures. There's a mass on her spine that she will have surgery to remove, they just aren't sure when. Last I heard, she's coherent and awake and close to being her usual cheerful self, just a little out of it and scared. I'm going to find time to go visit. It will mean spending many long hours on the freeway, but seeing Sam - and seeing Jess too - will be well worth it.

Not gonna lie, today was pretty shitty. You'd think it would be difficult to have such a bad day while at Disneyland, but here we are.

The first thing I saw this morning when I opened my eyes and checked my phone was a message from my girlfriend, telling me the leasing agent handling our apartment application said that to even start processing it, I will need an offer letter from an employer stating that they will hire me.

How am I supposed to do that? I don't live there yet. I can't do interviews. We have to turn in applications ASAP if we want even a hope of getting an apartment anywhere, but who is going to want to hire me two and a half months before I can even start working? No one!

I got to Disneyland late. When I did get here it was so hot and sunny that my phone kept overheating, crashing and turning itself off, so I couldn't capture pictures or video of anything I wanted to for like the first three hours. All the lines were insane. The first three rides I waited in line for decided to break down just as I was getting close to the front, after I had already wasted all that time waiting in the hot sun.

Normally if it's crowded, I'm usually okay to just vibe since I'm a pass holder, but today was my second to last opportunity to go before my pass blacks out and then I will be moving away, and it felt so frustrating to hardly be able to DO anything when I have like no time left.

I tried to implement something sweet and romantic for my girlfriend. When she came for Star Wars Nite, we were really excited to get to see the Star Wars fireworks over Batuu, but they ended up disappointing us by doing a projection show instead. I knew she had to get up kind of early for an appointment before work so I told her hey, I have a surprise, I can record it and show you later or if you think you can stay up fifteen more minutes, we can enjoy it together.

Of course, they started fifteen minutes late. She had to go, her meds were dragging her under and I had already kept her up past her bedtime, which I felt guilty for, for what turned out to be nothing. The fireworks did happen and I did record them for her, but god.

And I am dreading going to work tomorrow. The air conditioning was broken yesterday and it was MISERY. It got up to 80 degrees in the clinic hallways which means our tiny little massage rooms, where we are shut up for hours at a time with patients, doing hard physical labor, were three or four degrees hotter than that. I spent my whole shift suffering, completely soaked through with sweat, thirsty the whole time because I could not drink enough water to stay hydrated.

It's supposed to be ten degrees hotter tomorrow, because we're experiencing dumbass weather, so if the AC is still broken I don't even want to think about what that will mean for how miserable my shift will be. But think about it have been, and think about it I will continue to do.

As well as the notion that we might not get this wonderful apartment we need and want so badly.

This has been a vent.

Man, I've had a day.

Yesterday it was ungodly hot, and of course, they don't run the AC here either (thought I would escape that hell when I moved out of my old roommate's house? NOPE!) and so at night, my room was upward of 80 degrees and it was almost impossible to sleep. I had to get up at 8am to catch my train to Los Angeles, and I ended up with maybe three hours of sleep under my belt by the time my alarm went off.

I could have postponed it. I didn't. I knew it was going to be hot today too, and I didn't want to be stuck in this house. I'm glad I went. It was in the low 90's walking around in LA, but it was 100 degrees here where I live, so I can only imagine how hellish the house must have been, especially upstairs. It was rough out there, it was damned hot, but it would have been worse if I had stayed.

And I had fun!

I love taking public transit in LA, I know that might sound odd. I love riding the trains. I love lookin' at the maps and navigating. I like tapping my little card on the scanner. Plus it's cheap! I zipped all around LA for roughly 10 hours and it cost me all of five bucks.

My first stop was the Natural History Museum, with a short detour through the Rose Gardens. My main reason for wanting to visit the museum was that a wildlife photographer, Ronan Donovan, is someone I really admire. I love his work, especially with wolves. There's a wonderful documentary about them called Kingdom of the White Wolf, if you're into that sort of thing. There's an exhibit there, a gallery of his work and some educational material about wolves, their place in the ecosystem, and details about the particular wolves he had spent so much time tracking and documenting.

Other than that, man, the place is so big I got lost. I took SO many pictures. Dioramas, dinosaurs, gems and minerals. Then, of course, the gift shop. I do love a gift shop.

There was an exhibit about P-22, a famous mountain lion that lived in Los Angeles' Griffith Park and was one of the most-studied mountain lions in the area. He's widely known and beloved to the people of Southern California (the people of Los Angeles in particular, for obvious reasons). They had P-22 merch, and I couldn't help it, I bought a P-22 plushie and a shirt.

Next, I went to Little Tokyo. I got lunch, poked around in the shops, got myself some matcha softserve, and went shopping in not one, but two Japanese grocery stores. I was lucky enough to find the seasonal sakura green tea pocky, whee. It was very crowded today, people just standing around in huge groups everywhere trying to stay in the shade, and all the shops were so packed it was hard to move inside.

My last stop was The Last Bookstore, a really cool, indie book store. They have a vault, they have a rare books room, used books, new books, records, dvds and vhs and even cassette tapes. It's decorated in a really unique fashion and has several installations inside that have gone quite viral in the past. It's a big place, with a huge bottom floor and then a winding wooden staircase upstairs, an art gallery, and some shops that have been rented out by local artists selling their wares. It is a very cool place.

I don't know how I made it, sweating to death, walking and climbing stairs for hours and hours in the heat, on three hours of sleep, but I sure enough did it. I came home and took a cold bath, cold as the water could get, and now I'm downstairs with all the windows open waiting for it to hopefully cool off a little, at least enough to get some sleep, because I am exhausted. I'm so happy I don't have to do anything tomorrow (except for call my mom).